Recklessly Thirty

It’s just before the Fourth of July and we sit by the pool of our new apartment on what can only be described as a perfect Sunday afternoon. He plays Sam Cook on his portable speaker that lays underneath my tank top so it doesn’t overheat from the sun. He gently allowed himself to get into the pool to cool off. And for the first time I notice the light brown color to his hair when the sun lands on it. I watch him behind the book I’ve just started as he swims to the other end of the pool. This is a man I’ve known for four years. He is always making jokes, whether it be to get others to laugh or to take my bad mood or make my sadness go away, he has come to be the most important man in my life. If you know me, you know that’s hard to say with having four older brothers and nothing but nephews.  Four years ago, unfortunately, I had just exited a relationship with a selfish man who held us both in an unhappy home. To steer clear of an argument, or worse, another silent  treat...

I have come upon a new hobby. With my body being less active and my mind constantly battling my body on how to keep healthy and mobile, I happened upon yoga. It's no secret that yoga is relaxing and spiritual for some. For me, it's about maintaining a strong body with a healthy, relaxed mind to go with it. I've taken a months worth of classes so far and each one has been slightly different than the other. Did I mention these are beginners classes? I'm clueless on terminology and body placement. The first class, I walked in with my water bottle in hand and friend by my side. The class was great. The teacher, a petite older woman with short, spiked hair and glasses, stretched us well, talked us through the poses, and guided us on the proper way to move our bodies. She spoke softly and had music playing quietly via Bluetooth from her phone. When an instrumental version of "What if God was One of us?" Came on, I had to focus back to her speaking because I near...

It’s amazing how a place can hold a memory. Good or bad. How sitting in front of a place, driving or walking through it can make your heart skip beats and stomach do backflips. How tears can sting your eyes at the pain it brings to mind or, if you’re lucky, the joy it brings your soul.  I recently took a mini weekend getaway to where I lived in Tennessee. To kill time while my friends worked, I drove around the city that’s grown so immensely it’s hard to take it all in. I drove through town, admiring in jealousy, all of the new thriving businesses being built and thinking about how everything at home in Ohio doesn’t compare to the life here. It was when I drove past and thought of my three apartments that I felt overly sentimental towards this city.  I drove into the parking lot of the first place I lived and I parked my car. I stared at the windows and door of my building thinking about how much excitement there was in this small one bedroom apartment. I remembered t...

It's funny, when people ask me to tell them random facts about myself, I can't think of a damn thing to say. Then I'll be driving down the road grinding my teeth and then I remember that sometimes I do that, and it's weird, uncomfortable, and quite painful at times. So allow my strange habit stories to continue... I realize the silly randomness that is my life. Sometimes I ... Don't finish what I start. Whether it be the shampoo bottle because I got a new one and it's so damn hard to get the last of what is left out, or a task like filing my life away. Truth, I was stuck with both of those. I literally had papers all over the floor of my loft because I was trying to organize my life (wish me luck) in sections so I can keep track of certain information. I started it and left it and then piled it all in the corner of my spare bedroom. Will I finish it at all? Who knows! Sometimes I ... Get interrupted when I'm talking and it drives me absolutely up a wall....

It was a bitch. The whole year. Start to finish. Everything about this year challenged me and forced me to push through things I hadn't thought I'd need to. Anxiety attacks to last a lifetime, switching jobs, breaking bones, my broken heart, dad facing cancer, fighting with friends, feeling lost within myself, and balancing everything in my world to maintain some level of happiness. I can tell you how amazing the year was at the same time, though. Broken friendships were healed, friendcations were taken, weddings were attended, many memories made with my dancers, teaching myself to love me more, operation renovation on my condo, and overcoming all the challenges the year held stood out more than the bad. I've really fought to teach myself to smile at the silver linings. In high school, a guy a year older than me used to call me "Smiley" because I was always so happy and smiling. In the last 15 or so years, well, life happened, and I wasn't always so smiley a...

Two years. That's all it took for me to find the time and will to get back onto a bike and escape to the trail. Two years of highs and lows and many changes in my life that all filled my mind as I rode my bike the two miles to the trail. I forgot how much I loved being out there. How the smells and chill of the breeze feel freeing. I don't know how I ever quit riding! It was an early Monday morning and the chill of fall was in the late August air. I rode my bike and pedaled hard and fast to attempt the speed, timing, and distance that I used to achieve. Since my dad sold the home I grew up in, I had to start my journey from a new location. Luckily his new home isn't any farther from the old, so my ride to the bike trail was easy. Once I got to the trail, earbuds were in, and my mind was on its own journey. One thought led to another, it was gibberish, messy, and confusing as I tried sorting through current details of my life that I'm working on. The worry and excite...

I watched a video tonight of a woman I was fortunate to meet around my thirtieth birthday. She was at one point in time a fitness competitor and model in California. Her video was not posted to social media, though. She has deleted them for the sole purpose of not feeling the need to be validated by others via likes and comments. A mutual contact came across the video of her somehow, as she expressed her feelings to former followers about the unhappiness that was her life in So Cal. I don't want to get into all the meaningful details of her video, but let me just say that her words are sticking with me. No matter how many followers, likes, and competitions she placed in, she was tired of being told what people didn't like about her body and making herself to believe her body was never good enough. She made it a point to say how important it is for us, as women, to empower one another. The friend I met this beautiful woman through is a very enthusiastic promoter of self love. ...

Perhaps I'm going against all things I said in the beginning I wouldn't write about by doing this, but if I'm to open y'all up to who I am, I need to be completely honest about some things. I have never been the definition of a good Catholic. I couldn't tell you about the Bible or quote it, who was at the Last Supper, or even what time mass starts on Sunday mornings. When my mom died over a year ago, I quit going to church. Hell it was before then that I had quit going. Why you ask? I was mad at the big guy upstairs. He took my oldest brother from this world and left my family in shambles trying to pick up the pieces and make our lives somewhat whole again. Then he went and gave my mom the cancer back that she fought so hard to get rid of. To make matters worse, he made the cancer spread and he took her just a quick 13 months after my brother. To say I was pissed is an understatement. I had every right to be didn't I? You'd be heartbroken, devastated, ...

When a chance to get away for a weekend arises I'm quick to jump in my car or hop on a plane to any destination that allows myself to feel like I'm really living my life to the fullest. On an evening flight to Memphis one  Friday night  I found myself on an unfilled flight with an empty seat next to me. I read my book that's quite capturing for a little while, but found myself staring out the window instead.  I've always felt like my favorite time to fly was in the early morning. Because when I get to watch the sun rise from above the clouds, I feel as if I'm witnessing a more incredible sunrise than those below on land. It's mine. No one else I know gets to see the surreal beauty that I do. That night I stared at the moon though. Above orangish red hues fading into yellows and pinks that remind me of sunshine and bold colored flowers, on into blue sky surrounded by pillows of clouds, sat the moon shining so incredibly bright. And for a minute, I think maybe...

Earlier this afternoon I was sitting at a swim up bar in a foreign country having a discussion with a friend about having a plan for our lives. Now I'm sitting on a cramped airplane with a window seat, a cramped foot, and possibly some feminine cramps... It's no secret how much I love traveling. How sitting in the airport people watching becomes an amusing past time of mine. Going on vacation with friends is an experience many do not get to have. I have had about a dozen friend-cations, and for that I am grateful. This time I took a trip to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic with three of my amigos. We stayed at a 4 star, all inclusive resort. We fed our bodies sunshine, good food, and many, many delicious drinks.  Flying to the Caribbean for the first time was exciting. I've never flown over the sea before. It is one of the most beautiful sites out there. The way the water meets the sky and you can't tell where one ends and the other begins. The way the sky is so clear, th...

If you look up the word empowerment in the dictionary you'll see the meaning to be "to give power or authority to; to enable or permit ". Lately, with everything I have going on in my life, it doesn't take more than a few words from someone's mouth to get me down or put negative thoughts into my head. Months and many posts ago, I introduced y'all to a woman that I became friends with through blogging. We called this our bloggership . This is a woman who has a serious talent for writing that I look up to from all the way across the country. Thankfully, when I was given a handful of opportunities recently to write more than ever and to be treated like a writer, some people had opinions and not all of them were good. We are our own worst critic right? I love writing, but I'm nowhere near perfect. I just enjoy doing it and hopefully I give a hint of entertainment at the same time. There's always that one word though that can creep into our heads as wri...

I take Dolly Parton outside on a Sunday evening as the sun is setting. It's a cold chill in late April that when the wind blows it has a soft bite like fall. I close my eyes and I'm taken back to a rainy March morning, a little over 2 years ago, when I first moved home. When the thought of being back in Ohio filled my entire body with rage and despair all at once. I listen to the cars on the other side of my condo on a busy street as they pass and the ones on the highway at the back of my complex. The rest of my surrounding is silent with the exception of a couple geese flying overhead. Suddenly I realize, being home hasn't been the worst like I thought it would... but am I happy enough? I moved home from a place I thought I'd never leave. From a city where I met the man who I thought was the love of my life. I call it my "southern comfort zone" because that's exactly how I still feel about it. Living in Murfreesboro was one of the most exciting,...

None of this can be denied. Sometimes we travel to places that don't have such profound beauty because we have to. Because we have to might make things uncomfortable. Hell, sitting on a plane for a dozen hours is uncomfortable enough. Sometimes it hurts like hell to leave the ones behind that you grew to love in the place that you were. Maybe you took a getaway to heal your broken self and the heartbreak sat with you in a hotel room while you prayed for it to go away.  This quote hit me hard when I read it because experiencing all of these things has changed me and made me better and ready to face the next challenge of an adventure that life throws to me. I crave more of the lessons to learn from everything this world has to offer me! 

When I started my blog just a couple years ago, I wrote up a list of things to do/complete before I turned 30 years old. While some of the things I added to my list were easy enough and others unattainable at the time being, I was only just a short 3 years from turning 30, not giving me much time to really fulfill all of my goals. Besides, writing up the list was probably done quicker than I should have allowed. Now that I'm 30 and I've updated you on how much of that list I have completed and I have really taken a look at what I haven't done, I am giving you my list of 40 things to do before I reach the age of 40. You can call this a bucket list, you can call it long or short term goals. Whatever you call it, I just want to put it out there that I am making plans to reach all of these as best as I can! 10 Years to get to it... Here we go... 1) Read 1 book a month or as much as possible 2) Visit 40 US states (28/30) 3) Go horseback riding 4) Continue writing this bl...

It was about 10:30 in the morning when my dad told me he got a second offer on the home I grew up in. A twinge of sadness fluttered through me. This home that my parents had built the way that they wanted it, the home they built for me and my brothers, it's no longer be our home. We moved into the house on Halloween of 1992. I left it for the first time to venture off to Akron university. I came right back just a year and a half later because depression took over me. I stayed home for a few more years until I decided I didn't want to be there anymore and I took my life out to Nevada. Upon returning to Ohio, my parents home, I was welcomed right back into the room I grew up in. The room I played Barbie's, Lego's, and had sleepovers in. At this point in time, I vowed not to leave unless I knew it was for good. So for a couple years I got to make more memories. I left again in 2012 to move to Tennessee. I never thought that a short 3 years later I'd be right back at ...

I may not be that funny to you, but maybe my awkwardness and quirks amuse you in some way. I know that I can't help but laugh at myself every time I realize I did something new or again. So here goes part 7 of this journey we take together in learning about how insanely not normal I truly am! Sometimes I... Am afraid of all the noises and creeks my house makes. Moving to a new home doesn't come without new adventures.... or fears. I'm 3 or 4 months in now and I am still not used to it all. So when I hear something I freeze in my tracks and get ready to grab the nearest object in my path that I think would possibly knock someone out if they were in my house! Sometimes I... Eat sour candies. I'm not usually a Sour Patch Kids kinda gal, but every now and then I'll go ahead and grab something to change up my taste buds happiness and comfort for chocolate. Nevertheless, when I do grab something along the lines of some Sweet Tarts, I pop that little piece of sweetne...

While going through old posts recently, I realized that while I work with numbers on a daily basis, I still cannot count. My last two "Sometimes I" posts were numbered "Part 4"... Leave it to me. I guess it just goes to show I'm only human right? Sometimes I...  Don't care about grooming. Lets be honest, not every girl is going to shave her damn legs every damn day. So I skip a day or two here and there... What I tend to be really bad at is my eyebrows. There are weeks when those poor things on my face don't get touched at all but with water in the shower. Then I'm actually embarrassed when I go to my girl to get them waxed. You know, not when I'm dressed up and out in public. That's only slightly backwards right? Sometimes I... Notice the little things that make me me. Minuscule things that those who see me on a daily basis may never realize. Jewelry. I have 9 piercings in both ears, where a ring on each hand, and a necklace daily. When ...

Do you ever wonder if you've been ruined? Ya know, like for the next person? Hurt so many times and then this last time has completely struck you like lightning and left you burnt out on the whole trying to find someone, dating fiasco... That's how I've felt throughout the last year. I am a difficult person to open up sometimes. With men, it's hard for me to trust because of the lack of respect I've received in my dating disasters. Cheated on, beaten, severely mentally abused. How can you possibly believe that the next words out of his mouth aren't a complete joke or lie? You don't It's no secret that I'm a hopeless romantic. That's why I repeatedly put myself out there with my heart on my sleeve, only to look like a masochistic idiot. I'm not mad at myself, at least not too mad, for allowing my dating life to continue... in a negative light... but continue nonetheless. I'm mad at today's society. For allowing men (and women) to ...

Every year that passes by, we make these ludicrous resolutions that, a good majority of us, only stick to for the first 2-4 weeks of the year. I'm sometimes in that bulk. Go to the gym, quit smoking, drink less, cuss less, blah blah blah... We seem to forget it doesn't have to be a new year, or even a Monday, to start doing any of that. Granted, I don't plan to go to a gym, I don't smoke, I already drink way less than I used to, and lets face it, I curse like a sailor and I'm ok with it...damnit! However, that's not exactly what this is all about. 2016 was a really fleeting year. Grown ups weren't joking when I was a kid, telling me that time speeds up and you won't know where the time went. This year was busy and full of life experiences. Allow me to tell you what this year really consisted of. 2016 was... The year I got stood up by a man for the first time in about 7 years. The year I was told I was selfish and actually to offense to it. The...

Not everyone's holidays are full of happiness and cheer. Sometimes family's don't get along. Sometimes people get a broken heart for Christmas. Sometimes people, big and small, don't get gifts. Thankfully, this does not pertain to me. Perhaps, instead of the gifts you give and receive, you should love what you already have! Love who you so fortunately have around you. I do! Here is a glimpse of what my Christmas looked like this year, from my dance studio party, to my family gathering together just to play games and laugh! I hope you enjoyed the last of your 2016 as much as I did! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all!