Yogi Bear

I have come upon a new hobby. With my body being less active and my mind constantly battling my body on how to keep healthy and mobile, I happened upon yoga. It's no secret that yoga is relaxing and spiritual for some. For me, it's about maintaining a strong body with a healthy, relaxed mind to go with it. I've taken a months worth of classes so far and each one has been slightly different than the other. Did I mention these are beginners classes? I'm clueless on terminology and body placement.

The first class, I walked in with my water bottle in hand and friend by my side. The class was great. The teacher, a petite older woman with short, spiked hair and glasses, stretched us well, talked us through the poses, and guided us on the proper way to move our bodies. She spoke softly and had music playing quietly via Bluetooth from her phone. When an instrumental version of "What if God was One of us?" Came on, I had to focus back to her speaking because I nearly lost it in a fit of laughter. Some of the words she's saying I'm not even sure what they are or mean. But when it came time for the savasana (you bet your ass I looked up how to spell that and it's not even that hard), all I could think about was the fact that it was dinner time. As we lay in silence, my stomach growled loudly. Well, time to end that class! I of course celebrated by telling my friend that I needed my own yoga mat and all of the yoga pants... Considering I do yoga now and all.

Class number two was a different instructor. She was clearly someone who teaches often and had regular students and showed favoritism to those she knew. She moved quickly through poses and worked us on balance, which I lack these days after an injury to my right foot. There was a gentleman in my class that seemed to have trained himself so well on the breathing part of yoga. So as the instructor is leading us through breathing and stretching and where our focus needed to be, all you could hear was this man's heavy, deep, panting. 

"Bring your attention to your breathing." Umm, how would you like me to do that ma'am?... "Bring your attention to the sounds in the room, the next room over, or perhaps outside." Listen lady, do you not hear what I do? The only thing anyone can hear is this dude breathing as if he were never going to breathe again. 

Can I just tell you that the loud inhales and exhales lasted the entire hour long class. Good for you, bro for having the focus to do so. You sir, made it very difficult to hold in my giggles. Time for savasana, I'm hungry again. Can I eat now?

The third class my friend and I attended was by far the funniest. It was us two young bloods with a handful of older women. The teacher was knowledgable! Walked around helping you place your hips or feet where they should be so you didn't injure yourself. She too moved briskly through the poses and really gave our bodies a good work out. I think I forgot I had muscles in my back, cause I worked them so hard and thought perhaps I'd put my back out if I continued pushing myself so hard. Towards the end of class, just before savasana, our teacher told us to sit with our knees to chest and hug our knees. She then told us to rock backwards onto our backs and hold tight to our knees. One of those poor older ladies just held on too tight and forgot to squeeze them cheeks too. She let out the loudest fart that wasn't just a baby toot. The teacher continues leading us into what we needed to do next as you faintly hear the woman say "Oh, 'scuse me!". I had to do everything in my power to not just laugh loud and stop what I was doing. Then I started to think. That poor woman... How embarrassing! We lay on our backs in corpse pose (savasana- you basically take a 5 minute nap like a preschooler). I look to my left and my friend has lost it. She's in a fit of laughter and can't stop, which forces me to chuckle and I think I used every exhausted tummy muscle so as not to make a sound. Belly is gurgling loud again, but that's nothing compared to the yoga class fart of the year!

I do admit, that while I'm finding it fun and trying to hold back my laughter in these classes, I've attended many more and I truly enjoy it. I feel as if I'm challenging my body again. Gaining strength in my arms, back, and legs. I really am focused in class and try to clear my mind and control my breathing. Sometimes, there's just a giant distraction that pulls this yogi bear away from her ability to give all of her attention.