The Dating Games
Do you ever wonder if you've been ruined? Ya know, like for the next person? Hurt so many times and then this last time has completely struck you like lightning and left you burnt out on the whole trying to find someone, dating fiasco... That's how I've felt throughout the last year. I am a difficult person to open up sometimes. With men, it's hard for me to trust because of the lack of respect I've received in my dating disasters. Cheated on, beaten, severely mentally abused. How can you possibly believe that the next words out of his mouth aren't a complete joke or lie?
It's no secret that I'm a hopeless romantic. That's why I repeatedly put myself out there with my heart on my sleeve, only to look like a masochistic idiot. I'm not mad at myself, at least not too mad, for allowing my dating life to continue... in a negative light... but continue nonetheless. I'm mad at today's society. For allowing men (and women) to think that it's ok to treat another human being with the lowest of consideration. It's no wonder you're going to complain that women treat you like garbage, darlin', karma is a big, fat bitch! Believe me, I would know. I'm not perfect and I'll be the first person to admit that. For that I have been slapped with the "you deserved that" stick a handful of times I don't think I could count anymore. Why is it so normal for men to be afraid of a commitment nowadays? Why are we coddling them and saying it's ok? Why is it they're afraid? I have been asking myself these questions when it comes to my past relationships.
I usually try blaming myself. Saying it was my fault. that I wasn't skinny enough, didn't wear enough makeup, wasn't pretty enough, smart enough, determined enough, educated enough. After some serious thinking and an almost relationship, I know for a fact that I have my shit together more than he did. That it's not me who is screwed up in this situation. I know what I want. So why do I feel like I'm being punished for it?
These are all great questions that I'm sure some love guru could answer for me... But I don't know one. Some would say this is part of the ride, so sit back, let go and throw your arms in the air! It's just hard for me to let go of the way I've been treated in the last year alone.
A "pushy" man who didn't understand I was grieving and needed to be with my closest friends and family for just a few days.
A "jaded" man who threw my head for a complete 360 loop and knew exactly how to lift me up just to drop me that much quicker. He knew exactly how to talk the talk to charm me in the wildest ways. He manipulated me with his words just to get his own satisfaction.
A "stand up" guy who stood me up. After months of watching him complain that women are basically terrible beings all over his social medias, only to treat me how he's been treated. Did I mention there was no sincere "I'm sorry" to follow either?
A man too open to tell me he abused his sons mother... ummm what?!
A man who thought we were still in junior high and found it more than necessary to make fun of who I was and how I looked rather than attempt to really get to know me. I like to call him, "the bully"
A man who made it far too obvious he only wanted to take me home and get me naked. While I'm certainly flattered by your attraction, how about a little communication...and about 6 more dates, bro!
Did I mention that all but one of those men was just a simple first date and nothing more? How ludicrous is that? Please, give yourself some time to wrap your beautiful brains around it and then I'm sure you'll tell me the typical, "it'll happen when you least expect it" phrase, or my favorite "you just have to let go". Please, I wasn't trying with any of these. A couple of them were setups... Never again!
Listen, If he's out there, good, I can't wait to meet him. In the mean time, I won't stand for this violation of my character. I never really have, that's why those were all first and only dates. I won't say the poor experiences haven't changed me. They have! I'm more fragile than ever and I'm not afraid to say that. I can't sit back and allow you men to think that it's ok to treat me, or anyone else for that matter, the way I have been. So if I tell you no to going out, it's because I don't believe your intentions. I won't bother to partake in the dating games anymore.
You don't
It's no secret that I'm a hopeless romantic. That's why I repeatedly put myself out there with my heart on my sleeve, only to look like a masochistic idiot. I'm not mad at myself, at least not too mad, for allowing my dating life to continue... in a negative light... but continue nonetheless. I'm mad at today's society. For allowing men (and women) to think that it's ok to treat another human being with the lowest of consideration. It's no wonder you're going to complain that women treat you like garbage, darlin', karma is a big, fat bitch! Believe me, I would know. I'm not perfect and I'll be the first person to admit that. For that I have been slapped with the "you deserved that" stick a handful of times I don't think I could count anymore. Why is it so normal for men to be afraid of a commitment nowadays? Why are we coddling them and saying it's ok? Why is it they're afraid? I have been asking myself these questions when it comes to my past relationships.
I usually try blaming myself. Saying it was my fault. that I wasn't skinny enough, didn't wear enough makeup, wasn't pretty enough, smart enough, determined enough, educated enough. After some serious thinking and an almost relationship, I know for a fact that I have my shit together more than he did. That it's not me who is screwed up in this situation. I know what I want. So why do I feel like I'm being punished for it?
These are all great questions that I'm sure some love guru could answer for me... But I don't know one. Some would say this is part of the ride, so sit back, let go and throw your arms in the air! It's just hard for me to let go of the way I've been treated in the last year alone.
A "pushy" man who didn't understand I was grieving and needed to be with my closest friends and family for just a few days.
A "jaded" man who threw my head for a complete 360 loop and knew exactly how to lift me up just to drop me that much quicker. He knew exactly how to talk the talk to charm me in the wildest ways. He manipulated me with his words just to get his own satisfaction.
A "stand up" guy who stood me up. After months of watching him complain that women are basically terrible beings all over his social medias, only to treat me how he's been treated. Did I mention there was no sincere "I'm sorry" to follow either?
A man too open to tell me he abused his sons mother... ummm what?!
A man who thought we were still in junior high and found it more than necessary to make fun of who I was and how I looked rather than attempt to really get to know me. I like to call him, "the bully"
A man who made it far too obvious he only wanted to take me home and get me naked. While I'm certainly flattered by your attraction, how about a little communication...and about 6 more dates, bro!
Did I mention that all but one of those men was just a simple first date and nothing more? How ludicrous is that? Please, give yourself some time to wrap your beautiful brains around it and then I'm sure you'll tell me the typical, "it'll happen when you least expect it" phrase, or my favorite "you just have to let go". Please, I wasn't trying with any of these. A couple of them were setups... Never again!
Listen, If he's out there, good, I can't wait to meet him. In the mean time, I won't stand for this violation of my character. I never really have, that's why those were all first and only dates. I won't say the poor experiences haven't changed me. They have! I'm more fragile than ever and I'm not afraid to say that. I can't sit back and allow you men to think that it's ok to treat me, or anyone else for that matter, the way I have been. So if I tell you no to going out, it's because I don't believe your intentions. I won't bother to partake in the dating games anymore.
Boy bye!
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