Recklessly Thirty

Every year that passes by, we make these ludicrous resolutions that, a good majority of us, only stick to for the first 2-4 weeks of the year. I'm sometimes in that bulk. Go to the gym, quit smoking, drink less, cuss less, blah blah blah... We seem to forget it doesn't have to be a new year, or even a Monday, to start doing any of that. Granted, I don't plan to go to a gym, I don't smoke, I already drink way less than I used to, and lets face it, I curse like a sailor and I'm ok with it...damnit! However, that's not exactly what this is all about. 2016 was a really fleeting year. Grown ups weren't joking when I was a kid, telling me that time speeds up and you won't know where the time went. This year was busy and full of life experiences. Allow me to tell you what this year really consisted of. 2016 was... The year I got stood up by a man for the first time in about 7 years. The year I was told I was selfish and actually to offense to it. The...

Not everyone's holidays are full of happiness and cheer. Sometimes family's don't get along. Sometimes people get a broken heart for Christmas. Sometimes people, big and small, don't get gifts. Thankfully, this does not pertain to me. Perhaps, instead of the gifts you give and receive, you should love what you already have! Love who you so fortunately have around you. I do! Here is a glimpse of what my Christmas looked like this year, from my dance studio party, to my family gathering together just to play games and laugh! I hope you enjoyed the last of your 2016 as much as I did! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all!

"I’ve stopped being sorry for all my soft. I won’t apologize because I miss you, or because I said it, or because I text you first, or again. I think everyone spends too much time trying to close themselves off. I don’t want to be cool or indifferent, I want to be honest.” I know I’m stubborn, hard headed, difficult at times, can be over dramatic, a little irrational at times, clingyish to a degree, late to almost everything, indecisive, an over-thinker, self conscious, emotional, a worrier, impatient, sarcastic, a little OCD at times, procrastination should be my middle name, klutzy and hard to read at times." I read this in an article and I felt like I was reading about myself. Sometimes someone else's writing can perfectly describe you. Everything in these two paragraphs hit me hard, except for being late to things all the time... because I'm usually early to things. 

My whole world, the walls, the people, the days, they all crumbled down around me one year ago today. I sat by my mother's bedside for weeks and talked to her, held her hand, and prayed for her peace in passing. When she passed away one year ago my life stopped. It was like things were happening in snapshots. I'd blink and there would be a new person standing in front of me giving me their condolences. I'd blink and it would be another work day. I'd blink and I'm sitting on the edge of my bed staring at a bare wall. The only question I consistently asked myself for weeks after losing my mom was "How will I ever survive this life without her?" Well here I am, one extremely fast year later, able to tell you exactly how my days continued and how my mother lives on through me! The rest of November was a blur. Thanksgiving was terrible and I cried the whole day. December was difficult. I had the days where I would naturally breakdown and just lose it. That mo...

While I'm always thinking of something to write about, I'm randomly finding little things I do and think that crack me up. I can only hope you have gotten a good laugh out of the last 3 parts of this post and maybe you'll get a chuckle out of this one too. I don't post this to necessarily make you laugh though. I guess I post this to let you into my world a little further. To understand who I am more. I do it so maybe someone doesn't feel like they're the only person out there in this giant world, that gets smaller every time I turn around, who looks, acts, or feels a certain way. So without further ado... Sometimes I ... Think I want to give up on love. I'm a hopeless romantic. I always have been but in the last year especially, the tribulations I have gone through with men is tiresome. I'm exhausted from looking. So I quit that part. Just when I do random people pop up and I'm so overly annoyed, hurt, and jaded from the things that I went through...

Being a woman who lives her life through the power of words, quotes are easy to relate to at times. It's when I come across one with words so powerful and unyielding, well, I have to post it! This quote is me... It describes who I am and how I love! I  will always love with my whole heart, no matter how many times it's been shattered and not had those parts returned to me that I've given up!

They say to travel as much as you can while you're young. To make memories. Whoever "they" are, I think they're right! I travel a lot... It's no secret. I am even planning all of my trips out for 2017! This year I went on 5 different vacations. A weekend in DC, a long weekend in Clearwater, a week in Del Ray/Clearwater, a weekend in Nashville, and this last one has topped them all off. It was the perfect way to end my traveling for the year (maybe)!  I started Labor Day weekend in Las Vegas, to celebrate my 30th birthday, with 3 friends that I can't begin to express my gratitude for! With Friday came a ton of hype and excitement for the weekend ahead... It was a crazy weekend!... Now we all know that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, so I will simply say things that no one will understand, except the 4 people present, and I will be satisfied having told you my story... Sort of!...  It all started with Galliano, Esther, take your teeth out, ...

A Saturday afternoon just laying quietly by the pool at my apartment complex. Just me, my headphones, the lone woman across the pool from me, and go figure, these damn thoughts. The song is a Sara Bareilles song and it's making me feel reminiscent of the time I'm about to be leaving behind... My twenties! Letting go... People tell us to do it along the way. To leave behind all the bad, negative, unhappy moments, people, and things. I didn't learn until my late 20's, how to really do this. Even still, just a week or so away from turning 30, I'm  telling myself to let go of stuff.  Let go of the early 20's, Jill. Let go of your mid 20's and the last few years too!  Let go of the heartbreaks you had. The first real heartbreak that led you to push yourself harder for everything you wanted. And look at what you had achieved because of it. Let go of the heartbreak that you thought would never heal because it did, and thank God you didn't en...

It is more annoying than anything else to even deal with the dating world today. I realize that women are not innocent in their doings, but I must have a damn neon sign flashing above me that says "fool"! I'm beyond sick of trying to please anyone else and being nice by trying to reach out. It's not just me I see going through this unbelievable struggle. I have a handful of girlfriends who have to face these little boys too. There have been a dozen reasons that I have become just fed up with this bullshit! Therefore, I've written y'all a little something. Part of me hopes some certain people read this to finally understand where some of us girls are coming from. Another part of me will honestly feel bad because it's calling them out (sort of) and I hate being mean.  Oh well...Here it is! First off guys, imagine you have a daughter. Imagine she ends up dating a man like you. Would you be happy with how your little girl (grown up or not) was ju...

I may not have been able to cross off everything on my 30 before 30 list, but I did a lot more than I thought I would and this has only motivated me to do a 40 before 40 list! I may carry things over from this list, who knows. The list is in the making for now and you know I will share it with you as soon as I finish it!  Allow me to explain how in 2 years I worked on 30 things to do before I turned 30!... 1) Read one book every month for a year  (10/12) The Crossfire Series (5 books), Grey, To All The Boys I Loved Before, P.S I Still Love you, Sara Bareilles-Sounds Like Me, Dirty Rush I hate reading, but in the last year I have truly enjoyed meeting all of these characters and falling into their world to escape my own. I will continue to push myself to read books that interest me. In fact I have about 5 or 6 that I purchased recently just waiting to be read! 2)  Payoff Chase credit card I am fortunate enough to say that I did this before 30. 3) Tak...

It seems to me that in the last year, I have grown to love myself more than I ever have. I am 29 years old. I have found so many of my flaws to be a downfall, in the past. Looking at them today, I see a stairway to the woman I've become. It has taken me this long to finally love who I am. I most certainly don't have that kind of time to convince someone else.  "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

Allow me to rewind a little bit so I can give you my end of 2015 recap! I have been on a never ending merry go round for the last two months and unable to write. Perhaps lack of motivation hit me... If the one thing I have learned in the last two years is to just do me, then damn it I believe it's time to start! One thing I have always loved was when my aunt would tell me that when I say I'm going to do something I do it. That's why she's always had such faith in me.  It was right around the time that mom passed away that I just stopped caring. If you didn't like what I said, that was fine, you didn't have to. I never fell off the deep end (yet) and I wasn't hurting anyone... Not intentionally at least!  I decided that doing the things I wanted to do needed to come first. Even if that meant missing a friends holiday party or making long drives alone. I wasn't going to put myself second, third, or even fourth anymore.  In 2014, at Christmas time, I compil...