Recklessly Thirty

It’s amazing how a place can hold a memory. Good or bad. How sitting in front of a place, driving or walking through it can make your heart skip beats and stomach do backflips. How tears can sting your eyes at the pain it brings to mind or, if you’re lucky, the joy it brings your soul.  I recently took a mini weekend getaway to where I lived in Tennessee. To kill time while my friends worked, I drove around the city that’s grown so immensely it’s hard to take it all in. I drove through town, admiring in jealousy, all of the new thriving businesses being built and thinking about how everything at home in Ohio doesn’t compare to the life here. It was when I drove past and thought of my three apartments that I felt overly sentimental towards this city.  I drove into the parking lot of the first place I lived and I parked my car. I stared at the windows and door of my building thinking about how much excitement there was in this small one bedroom apartment. I remembered t...

It's funny, when people ask me to tell them random facts about myself, I can't think of a damn thing to say. Then I'll be driving down the road grinding my teeth and then I remember that sometimes I do that, and it's weird, uncomfortable, and quite painful at times. So allow my strange habit stories to continue... I realize the silly randomness that is my life. Sometimes I ... Don't finish what I start. Whether it be the shampoo bottle because I got a new one and it's so damn hard to get the last of what is left out, or a task like filing my life away. Truth, I was stuck with both of those. I literally had papers all over the floor of my loft because I was trying to organize my life (wish me luck) in sections so I can keep track of certain information. I started it and left it and then piled it all in the corner of my spare bedroom. Will I finish it at all? Who knows! Sometimes I ... Get interrupted when I'm talking and it drives me absolutely up a wall....

It was a bitch. The whole year. Start to finish. Everything about this year challenged me and forced me to push through things I hadn't thought I'd need to. Anxiety attacks to last a lifetime, switching jobs, breaking bones, my broken heart, dad facing cancer, fighting with friends, feeling lost within myself, and balancing everything in my world to maintain some level of happiness. I can tell you how amazing the year was at the same time, though. Broken friendships were healed, friendcations were taken, weddings were attended, many memories made with my dancers, teaching myself to love me more, operation renovation on my condo, and overcoming all the challenges the year held stood out more than the bad. I've really fought to teach myself to smile at the silver linings. In high school, a guy a year older than me used to call me "Smiley" because I was always so happy and smiling. In the last 15 or so years, well, life happened, and I wasn't always so smiley a...

Two years. That's all it took for me to find the time and will to get back onto a bike and escape to the trail. Two years of highs and lows and many changes in my life that all filled my mind as I rode my bike the two miles to the trail. I forgot how much I loved being out there. How the smells and chill of the breeze feel freeing. I don't know how I ever quit riding! It was an early Monday morning and the chill of fall was in the late August air. I rode my bike and pedaled hard and fast to attempt the speed, timing, and distance that I used to achieve. Since my dad sold the home I grew up in, I had to start my journey from a new location. Luckily his new home isn't any farther from the old, so my ride to the bike trail was easy. Once I got to the trail, earbuds were in, and my mind was on its own journey. One thought led to another, it was gibberish, messy, and confusing as I tried sorting through current details of my life that I'm working on. The worry and excite...

I watched a video tonight of a woman I was fortunate to meet around my thirtieth birthday. She was at one point in time a fitness competitor and model in California. Her video was not posted to social media, though. She has deleted them for the sole purpose of not feeling the need to be validated by others via likes and comments. A mutual contact came across the video of her somehow, as she expressed her feelings to former followers about the unhappiness that was her life in So Cal. I don't want to get into all the meaningful details of her video, but let me just say that her words are sticking with me. No matter how many followers, likes, and competitions she placed in, she was tired of being told what people didn't like about her body and making herself to believe her body was never good enough. She made it a point to say how important it is for us, as women, to empower one another. The friend I met this beautiful woman through is a very enthusiastic promoter of self love. ...

Perhaps I'm going against all things I said in the beginning I wouldn't write about by doing this, but if I'm to open y'all up to who I am, I need to be completely honest about some things. I have never been the definition of a good Catholic. I couldn't tell you about the Bible or quote it, who was at the Last Supper, or even what time mass starts on Sunday mornings. When my mom died over a year ago, I quit going to church. Hell it was before then that I had quit going. Why you ask? I was mad at the big guy upstairs. He took my oldest brother from this world and left my family in shambles trying to pick up the pieces and make our lives somewhat whole again. Then he went and gave my mom the cancer back that she fought so hard to get rid of. To make matters worse, he made the cancer spread and he took her just a quick 13 months after my brother. To say I was pissed is an understatement. I had every right to be didn't I? You'd be heartbroken, devastated, ...

When a chance to get away for a weekend arises I'm quick to jump in my car or hop on a plane to any destination that allows myself to feel like I'm really living my life to the fullest. On an evening flight to Memphis one  Friday night  I found myself on an unfilled flight with an empty seat next to me. I read my book that's quite capturing for a little while, but found myself staring out the window instead.  I've always felt like my favorite time to fly was in the early morning. Because when I get to watch the sun rise from above the clouds, I feel as if I'm witnessing a more incredible sunrise than those below on land. It's mine. No one else I know gets to see the surreal beauty that I do. That night I stared at the moon though. Above orangish red hues fading into yellows and pinks that remind me of sunshine and bold colored flowers, on into blue sky surrounded by pillows of clouds, sat the moon shining so incredibly bright. And for a minute, I think maybe...