Take Your Sweet, Sweet Time

I might be one of the most guilty parties when it comes to living life in fast forward. I am constantly counting down for the next great thing that's going to take place in my life. Whether it be a weekend away to see the man I date, a concert with my best friend, a night out with the girls, or something even bigger.

In the last two weeks, I've had to learn, once again the hard way, that I need to slow things down in my life. The weekend will always come. The good things will flow in and I will be able to enjoy them much more with the less stress I feel. 

Today my boss had to remind me to slow down. He bluntly and so very kindly told me to live in the moment. Something I used to be so good at doing. 

Last week I jumped the gun on something I thought was right and I'm paying the price for it now. The anxiety ridden fear I have in the pit of my stomach is the worst because I had a good thing and probably ruined it by trying to control too much. 

To the person I offended, I can't say I'm sorry enough. 

Tuesday, my family and I got some very terrible news. The breast cancer that's been living inside my mother's lymph nodes has spread to her brain. In the last month she has lost much eyesight and balance and has already started receiving radiation treatments on the 10-15 tumors found via an MRI. 

I have gotten a very large outpouring of love, comfort, and support from my friends and family in regards to the awful news on my mother's illness. Thank you to those who have been there for me. It is not an easy thing to process but you all having mine and my family's health and hearts in mind is the most comforting and positive feeling I could want around me right now. 

 

With all of this taking place it's an even bigger reminder that living in the moment is the most important thing right now. Sitting at home might be nice and relaxing, but I have no clue what tomorrow will bring me, good or bad. And to be honest, right now, I don't want to have to worry about it. So I vow to do my best not to. 

 

I have always said that I want to live not just exist. More often than I'd rather, I catch myself existing and with a quick flip of a switch I jump back to what and where I know I need to be. Sometimes you just need that reminder. I just wish it wasn't so harsh this time. 

I want to have moments of joy and laughter with my mom, whether her future be dim or bright. Which lets be honest, cancer has lost the battle to her twice before. 

 

Cancer = 0   Terri = 2

I want to enjoy going out with the girls and laughing until our stomachs hurt, until I snort uncontrollably, (yes I do this, no I'm not ashamed). All so we have the funniest things to talk about the next time we're together and a million pictures to remember the night.  

 

I want to enjoy the entire process of falling in love with a man. I have always known things don't have to happen in a hurry, but I realize now more than ever, that slowing down is ok. The things I want in my future will come, it just doesn't have to be so damn soon. I don't want to overstep and jump over the part that can be the best, most fun and romantic part of it all. 

 

Shame on me for forgetting this for even a minute!

 

There are so many things I have planned to do and want to plan on doing in my future. That's fine to consider when I think ahead. It's the worry and the excitement to move things along too quickly, to get there or get past it, that I need to remember to take a deep breath, control what I can, and enjoy the life I have been given right in front of me. 

I'm done waiting for tomorrow! 

I'm ready to live!