Home is Where the Healing is
It's cold.
It's very quiet.
I close my eyes and wonder how in the hell I got where I am at that exact moment.
The moments of all of my hard work. The moments of my complete failure. Every moment in between... Watching it all like a movie behind closed eyelids.
As a kid, you fall down and when you do, you're told to get up, dust yourself off and keep going. As an adult when you fall down, you might be lucky enough to have those same people in your life to tell you to get up, dust yourself off, and to keep going. Or you might not be so lucky. For me, my luck hasn't run completely dry yet.
I am no stranger to making mistakes in my 20's, that's a definite. What's undefined is where my recent ones will take me, besides the obvious.
When I say it's cold, I'm referring to the weather in the north. That's right. Where I'm originally from... Ohio. When I say it's quiet, I'm referencing the outdoors. Where I take my dog, numerous times a day. I don't hear the sirens, the trains, the cars, the people. I hear the birds here. I hear the wind blowing. I hear every last thought in my mind.
Why am I back in Ohio? I fell and I was tired of scraping my knees. I am a planner and I didn't plan well enough for what I was diving into head first!
After 2 years of struggling to make ends meet I decided to suck it up and go back to Ohio. Admitting my errors is not always easy. However, I came to terms with it quickly and here I am.
Here I am preparing to leave again...
Why wouldn't this girl, who has tried and tried. over and over, give up on the dream of getting out?
I am an independent woman. I like doing things for myself. Knowing that I got myself where I have. That takes guts, lots of courage, and swallowing a lot of fears! Going back to your roots takes a lot of the same but instead of fears being swallowed, it's your pride that has to be handled.
I came home to heal. If you've followed any of my posts then you know that the last year has not been one of my finest. So I fell down... I've already been told by many and myself to get up. The time has now come to dust myself off. Once I'm free of the negativity that was, I'll keep going. Like I always do.
As much as I don't want to be back in Ohio for the time being, I'm looking at all of the positives that come along with a summer here. I'm fortunate to have my family and friends by my side to help me through whatever this issue is that I'm facing and to push me forward to the next big adventure in my life! I get to enjoy being in Ohio for the birth of my next nephew to join my clan of nephews! I get to enjoy the wineries by the lake. Baseball Baseball BASEBALL! A trip or two to Cedar Point. Catching up with old college friends among many other things to enjoy.
Staying in the right frame of mind for the time being is what will be the hardest thing to do. However, my luck hasn't run completely dry yet, remember? I have the best people backing me up and supporting me through it all! It really is alright to fail every now and then. At least I can say I tried. How many people can say they've risked it all, more than once, to fulfill their dreams?
It's very quiet.
I close my eyes and wonder how in the hell I got where I am at that exact moment.
The moments of all of my hard work. The moments of my complete failure. Every moment in between... Watching it all like a movie behind closed eyelids.
As a kid, you fall down and when you do, you're told to get up, dust yourself off and keep going. As an adult when you fall down, you might be lucky enough to have those same people in your life to tell you to get up, dust yourself off, and to keep going. Or you might not be so lucky. For me, my luck hasn't run completely dry yet.
I am no stranger to making mistakes in my 20's, that's a definite. What's undefined is where my recent ones will take me, besides the obvious.
When I say it's cold, I'm referring to the weather in the north. That's right. Where I'm originally from... Ohio. When I say it's quiet, I'm referencing the outdoors. Where I take my dog, numerous times a day. I don't hear the sirens, the trains, the cars, the people. I hear the birds here. I hear the wind blowing. I hear every last thought in my mind.
Why am I back in Ohio? I fell and I was tired of scraping my knees. I am a planner and I didn't plan well enough for what I was diving into head first!
After 2 years of struggling to make ends meet I decided to suck it up and go back to Ohio. Admitting my errors is not always easy. However, I came to terms with it quickly and here I am.
Here I am preparing to leave again...
Why wouldn't this girl, who has tried and tried. over and over, give up on the dream of getting out?
WHY WOULD I?
I left town. I've gotten out two different times, as well as the traveling I've been so fortunate to do. I have seen what is outside the walls of this little town I'm from. There is so much to see still. The rest of the world isn't done with me yet. I'll leave again...
I am an independent woman. I like doing things for myself. Knowing that I got myself where I have. That takes guts, lots of courage, and swallowing a lot of fears! Going back to your roots takes a lot of the same but instead of fears being swallowed, it's your pride that has to be handled.
I came home to heal. If you've followed any of my posts then you know that the last year has not been one of my finest. So I fell down... I've already been told by many and myself to get up. The time has now come to dust myself off. Once I'm free of the negativity that was, I'll keep going. Like I always do.
As much as I don't want to be back in Ohio for the time being, I'm looking at all of the positives that come along with a summer here. I'm fortunate to have my family and friends by my side to help me through whatever this issue is that I'm facing and to push me forward to the next big adventure in my life! I get to enjoy being in Ohio for the birth of my next nephew to join my clan of nephews! I get to enjoy the wineries by the lake. Baseball Baseball BASEBALL! A trip or two to Cedar Point. Catching up with old college friends among many other things to enjoy.
Staying in the right frame of mind for the time being is what will be the hardest thing to do. However, my luck hasn't run completely dry yet, remember? I have the best people backing me up and supporting me through it all! It really is alright to fail every now and then. At least I can say I tried. How many people can say they've risked it all, more than once, to fulfill their dreams?
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