Recklessly Thirty

It seems to me that in the last year, I have grown to love myself more than I ever have. I am 29 years old. I have found so many of my flaws to be a downfall, in the past. Looking at them today, I see a stairway to the woman I've become. It has taken me this long to finally love who I am. I most certainly don't have that kind of time to convince someone else.  "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

Allow me to rewind a little bit so I can give you my end of 2015 recap! I have been on a never ending merry go round for the last two months and unable to write. Perhaps lack of motivation hit me... If the one thing I have learned in the last two years is to just do me, then damn it I believe it's time to start! One thing I have always loved was when my aunt would tell me that when I say I'm going to do something I do it. That's why she's always had such faith in me.  It was right around the time that mom passed away that I just stopped caring. If you didn't like what I said, that was fine, you didn't have to. I never fell off the deep end (yet) and I wasn't hurting anyone... Not intentionally at least!  I decided that doing the things I wanted to do needed to come first. Even if that meant missing a friends holiday party or making long drives alone. I wasn't going to put myself second, third, or even fourth anymore.  In 2014, at Christmas time, I compil...

Here you go, y'all! The long awaited post about the most absurd things I think, say and do. Things that sometimes I can't even say I think before I do. Why make you wait any longer?... Sometimes I ... Make up my own little traditions. Like every year at Christmas time when it comes time to put up the tree, I pour myself a glass of wine, crank up the Christmas tunes (my favorite is the Elvis Christmas album), and after its up and gorgeously lighting up the room I put on a Christmas movie and make some popcorn! Tell me that doesn't sound perfect!... Or every fall when the CMA awards are on I pour myself a glass of wine and watch from start to finish my favorite artists win and perform their awesome songs!... Hmmm...Both involve wine... Sometimes I ... Have really stinky feet. Hey you try wearing flats without socks in the summer. I mean do I really have to give an explanation? It's the truth and I'll leave it at that. Sometimes I ... Try the whole healthy ki...

It burns... The tears I choke back to fight my breaking down in front of close family and friends. How do you dry your face off after a shower when your tears just continue to soak it? How do you sleep when your chest hurts because your heart is so heavy and when you close your eyes all you see is that final image? I don't know how I will ever pull through this loss. I know that I will, but the how is unimaginable.  My mother fought for good health and a normal life for almost 15 years. She battled breast cancer off and on facing radiation and chemotherapy twice, amongst the hundreds of doctor appointments and blood work and tests.  When I say she was a warrior, there is no other word to define her. She fought so hard and yet not once asked "why me?". She always pushed on. Keeping, us, her family, as her strength and light at the end of such a dreary tunnel.  The house has been full of family the last couple of days and friends have come by too. Old pictures have been sca...

Friday was just a few days after the one year anniversary of the passing of my oldest brother. One year since my heart has never felt so heavy and hurt. One year... It went so fast! I had stayed home from work Friday so that I could assist my dad in taking my mom to the Cleveland Clinic for an appointment with her oncologist. Once my mom realized that attending her appointment served no purpose in her deteriorating condition, the three of us stayed home. I was pleased to be there throughout the day to help my dad with little odds and ends. He truly needed the help. However, some of it was tough to watch and do, so I needed to take my mind off of it. Later in the day when family came by to visit her, I took it upon myself to take a bike escape. A good ride, in the crisp, fall air would do me some good. I changed and was headed to the bike trail before I knew it. I was dressed for the cooler weather. I wore gloves and a long sleeve shirt to protect me from the bitter bite ...

"Let me steal from your lungs a breath. Let me run my fingers across your chest.  Let me study your figure while you stand tall.  Let me love you, flaws and all."     I posted this quote yesterday on my social medias, but today I can't get the quote off of my mind. I'm in love with it. I feel as if it describes, so eloquently, what love should look like. Everyone deserves to be loved, baggage/ flaws and all. It's a crying shame my generation just doesn't believe in such beauty in love or even words anymore! I will find this one day. Hopefully you will too!

There are those times you need your best friend to really be there for you and when they are and they completely hear you out and are your shoulder to lean and cry on you're left feeling very grateful. But sometimes your best friend just needs you to be there for her 113%. For me this moment happened back in March when a relationship she was in was breaking her amazing, kind, and loving heart. I did what I could to console her. I was able to relate to her situation quite a bit having gone through such a similar breakup. However, when Dee got the invite to her oldest, childhood friends wedding, she knew she didn't want to go alone and the relationship she was in was already over. This is where my adventurous side comes out. Sort of. I told her that I would be her plus one to the wedding if she didn't mind taking her best friend as her date! She accepted my offer and the last weekend of September was set aside for a little road trip to Waupaca, Wisconsin.  I...